Niv

2025-05-27

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Over the last year, Niv, my headmate, started showing up less and less. At first it was fronting less often, then it was existing in the headspace less prominently and, as of a few months ago, I’m fairly certain that they’re gone permanently. I used to still be able to feel their presence in the headspace, even if only faintly, but I can not anymore.

It’s a bit of an odd thing to lose a headmate. It’s like a part of me is just… gone. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything quite like this before. It kinda just feels empty. Like something that should be there is just missing.

It’s not the first time I lose a headmate. However, it is the first time I lose one who is well established within the headspace. Every other time it happened, they were all fairly new and still in the process of figuring themselves out so it never stung that hard.

I’ll miss that nosy dragon noodle who just had to know everything that was going on with everyone’s relationships, who just had to get all the latest news everytime they fronted. A small side tangent about that: they seemed disappointed that nothing significant had changed when they last fronted after seeing me and my partner’s most recent talk being about worms. And something I find amusing: as I am writing this, my most recent talk with this same partner was about worms. They’re just really neat and we love them but this was more of a coincidence than anything :p

Anyways,
I’ll be okay. It’ll just take some time to fill the void brought by their absence or, at the very least, get used o it.
And Niv did leave me with a story idea the last time they were around.
It’s a bit of a tough one to write for me, but I want to write it to honour them.

Until then,
Farewell Niv.

Art by Xeirla. It is the last art piece of Niv we've ever gotten. It was drawn shortly after they became an amphimorpho.